im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
