My brain says no but my pants say off.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
