idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
