If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
