she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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