He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
