I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
