If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
