yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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