I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
