how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
