Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
