I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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