Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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