i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
