You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
