we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
