I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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