Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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