a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
