Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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