i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize