She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
