My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
