so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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