Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
