i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
