I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
