i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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