I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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