organizing the empties. That sober.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My breasts were aching with rage.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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