Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
