Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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