when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
