your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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