I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
