My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
