its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
