Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
