I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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