We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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