just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
