I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
