Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
