mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
