It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
