So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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