The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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