i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize