Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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