:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize