On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
