My first STD was from a foam party
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Too much gin, very little bucket
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
