my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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