i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
