Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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