you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
a search helicopter?!
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
