I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
