we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
