When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize