That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
