Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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