The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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