turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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