Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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