I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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