he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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