its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
