I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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