Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
