how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
