I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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