Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
