My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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