Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
