Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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