My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
