You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
