Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
