you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
