Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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