I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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