A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
