I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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