mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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