He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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