Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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