More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
