someone threw a dead crab at me
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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