i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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