peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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