just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
