sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i think i just lost a toe
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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