I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
