Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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