your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
