Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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