I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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