Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
