i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
