i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
it's like iHOP with fire
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
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