I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
